NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
