the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
