Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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