she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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