Who did Billy Mays play for?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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