I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
