Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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