My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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