i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
