We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
