Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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