im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
ttyl tear gas
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
