I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
