I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
