I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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