i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
