What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
