Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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