Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
