why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
