Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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