There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
