This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
