My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
