haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
