I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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