i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
