I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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