Welp...herpes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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