I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
