Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just gargled with NyQuil
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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