Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
