just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
