She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
