I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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