Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't put those talents on a resume
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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