I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
