i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
