Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
