you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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