before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
