I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
