I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
