Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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