Having a random hookup so left but love u
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
