So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
