If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize