"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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