I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
