There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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