If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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