My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
