Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
