I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
