i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
