You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
