just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize