Your dad touched me again.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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