btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
