I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
