you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
