If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
