I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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