I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
