Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have post one night stand depression
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
